What is sex therapy

What is a sex therapist?

A sex therapist is a licensed mental health professional who specializes in addressing sexual concerns and issues that individuals or couples may experience. Similar to how doctors specialize in different areas of medicine, which leads to better outcomes and more quality care, mental health professionals will specialize to do the same. Sex therapy focuses on helping people with problems related to sexual functioning, intimacy, desire, performance, and overall sexual well-being.

What do sex therapists do?

Sex therapists help individuals and couples address and resolve sexual issues, improve their sexual well-being, and enhance intimacy in their relationships. Sex therapists treat sexual problems that have psychological causes or impacts. It is important to understand that sex therapists do not treat physical or medical conditions related to sex, such as low testosterone. You may have to see a healthcare provider first to rule out if there are hidden physical causes to specific issues before seeing a sex therapist. Sex therapists use a variety of evidence-based treatments to help couples and individuals improve their sex lives. Some of the key evidence-based practices include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

• Sensate focus 

• Mindfulness-based therapy

• Psychoeducation 

• Relationship therapy/couples counseling

• Pleasure enhancement skills 

• Trauma-informed approaches such as EMDR or somatic experiencing 

• Erotic fantasy exploration and integration

• Systemic therapy

• Solution-focused brief therapy

Safety and confidentiality are critical to successful treatment. The number one indicator of success in therapy is connecting with a therapist you like and feel comfortable opening up to. This is especially important when you are discussing one of the most vulnerable aspects of your life–sex.

What issues do sex therapists treat? 

Sexual activity is a complex experience that involves the mind, emotions, and body. It’s an important part of our physical, mental, emotional, and relational health. Sex is linked to living longer, feeling happier, and being satisfied in relationships. The sexual response cycle explains the changes that happen in the body and emotions during sexual activity. It consists of four stages:

• Excitement

• Plateau 

• Orgasm

• Resolution 

Understanding this cycle can help individuals and couples better understand their sexual experiences and any issues that may arise during these four stages. A sex therapist can help with the mental and emotional aspects of many different sexual issues, including:

• Erectile dysfunction

• Premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation 

• Sex education correcting misinformation 

• Low sexual desire

• Lack of sexual arousal 

• Feelings of anxiety, fear, or shame surrounding sex 

• Sexual trauma or abuse

• Pain during intercourse

• Difficulty achieving orgasm

• Issues related to sexual orientation or gender identity

• Communication problems between partners regarding sex 

• Cultural, religious, and societal views of sex

• Poor body image and its relationship to sex

• Coping with living with STIs 

• Dismantle shame and stigma surrounding kinks and fetishes 

• Out-of-control sexual behaviors or (sex addiction)

• Pornography viewership

What can I expect during a sex therapy session? 

Throughout your sessions, you and your sex therapist will collaborate to recognize and modify thoughts and behaviors that are impacting your sexual well-being. You may see your therapist by yourself or with your romantic partner. Initially, your sex therapist may ask you questions about your:

• Sexual history

• Medical history

• Beliefs about sex

• Sex education history 

• Specific sexual concerns and current symptoms 

During your sex therapy sessions, your sex therapist will provide correct information about sex, sexual health, and anatomy, helping clients understand their bodies and sexual responses better. They may give clients specific homework exercises to do alone or with their partner between sessions. These exercises can include activities designed to reduce performance pressure, increase comfort with physical touch, or explore new ways of experiencing sensation and pleasure. They will tailor your sessions to meet your unique individual or relationship sexual needs. 

Does sex therapy work online?

Yes, sex therapy can work virtually. Many people find talking to a therapist through video chat as helpful as meeting in person. In online sex therapy, you can discuss any concerns or questions about sexual health or relationships in a private, comfortable space. The therapist will guide you, just like in a face-to-face session, and help you explore ways to improve your sexual well-being. As long as you feel safe and open with your therapist, online sessions are as helpful as in-person sessions.

Common myths about sex therapy:

Myth: Sex therapy is only for people with severe sexual problems.

• Reality: Sex therapy is beneficial for anyone experiencing concerns or questions about their sexual health, intimacy, or relationship. It can help with issues ranging from mild discomfort or dissatisfaction to more severe sexual dysfunctions.

Myth: Sex therapists judge or criticize clients.

• Reality: Sex therapists are trained to create a non-judgmental and supportive environment. Their role is to listen, understand, and help clients work through their concerns without judgment or criticism.

Myth: Sex therapy involves sexual activity in the therapist's office.

• Reality: There is no physical sexual activity in sex therapy sessions. Therapy is based on discussion, education, and guided exercises that clients do at home. The therapy room is a safe, professional space focused on conversation and therapeutic techniques. 

Myth: Sex therapy is just about improving physical and sexual performance.

• Reality: While sex therapy can address physical aspects of sexual functioning, it also focuses on emotional, psychological, and relational factors that influence sexual health. This can include addressing anxiety, trauma, communication issues, and more.

Myth: Only people in relationships need sex therapy.

• Reality: Individuals, whether single or in a relationship, can benefit from sex therapy. Single people may seek therapy to explore their sexual identity, address sexual dysfunctions, or prepare them for future relationships.

Myth: Talking about sex with a therapist is embarrassing or shameful.

• Reality: Sex therapists are trained to discuss sexual issues comfortably and professionally. They aim to create a safe space where clients can openly discuss their concerns without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. 

Myth: Sex therapy is a quick fix.

• Reality: Sex therapy often requires time and commitment to address underlying issues effectively. It’s not a one-time solution but a process that may involve several sessions to achieve lasting results.

Myth: If a couple needs sex therapy, their relationship is doomed.

• Reality: Seeking sex therapy is a proactive step that many couples take to improve their relationships and sexual satisfaction. It often strengthens relationships by addressing issues before they become more severe. 

Myth: Sex therapists only deal with heterosexual couples.

• Reality: Sex therapists work with individuals and couples of all sexual orientations, gender identities, and relationship types. They are also trained to address the unique needs and concerns of LGBTQIA+ clients.

Myth: Sex therapists always have perfect sex lives themselves.

• Reality: Like any other professional, sex therapists are human and have their own experiences. Their role is to provide expert guidance based on training and evidence-based practices, not to model a “perfect” sex life.

Myth: You only need sex therapy if there’s something wrong with you.

• Reality: Sex therapy can be helpful for anyone wanting to enhance their sexual well-being, explore new aspects of their sexuality, or strengthen their relationship. It’s not just for “fixing” problems but also for personal growth and fulfillment.

Understanding these myths helps demystify sex therapy, making it more accessible and less intimidating for those who might benefit from it. 

At The Connection Couch, we understand how scary discussing one of the most intimate and vulnerable aspects of your life and humanity can be. We are committed to providing evidence-based care and a safe and comfortable atmosphere from the moment we first connect. Your sexual well-being matters so much to us, and providing ethical care allows us to continue doing what we love and are passionate about. Begin your journey with us and discover the profound impact sex therapy can have on your life and relationship.